Autistic Eye Contact: Why It’s Difficult and Practical Ways to Navigate It

Why Some People with Autism Avoid Eye Contact

In contemporary Western society, we put a lot of emphasis on eye contact as a natural way to show engagement and connect with others. Yet, eye contact doesn’t come so naturally for everyone. For people with autism, eye contact is made harder because the brain processes information in a different way. This can lead to: 

• Sensory challenges: Focusing on someone’s eyes can feel overwhelming, similar to staring into a bright light or trying to look at two things at once.
• Cognitive fatigue: Holding eye contact while listening, interpreting, and responding requires multitasking. For some autistic people, eye contact competes with their ability to think clearly.
• Difficulty determining meaning: Society places a lot of meaning on eye contact, yet autistic communication often relies more on words or context rather than facial cues.
• Pain or discomfort: Some people with autism experience physical discomfort or even pain when making eye contact.

As you can see, with autism, avoiding eye contact isn’t just about social anxiety or a fear of being seen. It reflects a totally different way of experiencing the world. 

Practical Ways to Make Eye Contact Feel More Comfortable 

If you’re autistic and have decided you want to have a go at making eye contact, there are some helpful things you can do to feel more comfortable and avoid autistic burnout. You might want to try the following: 

Short Bursts Instead of a Long, Sustained Gaze

Try not to pressure yourself into sustaining eye contact for long periods of time. Not only will this feel uncomfortable, but it also tends to be part of masking, so it’s more likely to feel “forced” and unnatural. Instead, try to use short, intentional glances whenever you remember.

Pairing Eye Contact with Natural Breaks  

Most people look away to think, take notes, or physically multitask, so allow yourself to break up the eye contact with other actions. This can reduce cognitive load.

Explaining Your Situation

Rather than relying on different techniques, you might find it more beneficial to open up to friends or colleagues about your struggle with eye contact. For example, if you’re feeling uncomfortable about eye contact during a conversation, you might choose to let the other person know and explain that you’d prefer to look away. This can remove pressure and prevent misunderstandings.

Remember: Being unable to make eye contact isn’t something to be embarrassed or ashamed of. It’s just part of how your brain is wired. Many studies suggest that in autism, the amygdala (the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions) is overactive, making eye contact feel intensely overwhelming. Therefore, avoiding eye contact is simply a natural way to protect yourself.

The Triangle Method: A Simple Technique for Improving Eye Contact in Autism

If you feel comfortable making a small amount of eye contact but aren’t sure where to look when communicating, you might find the “triangle method” useful. It’s a simple strategy that lets you appear naturally engaged while reducing the cognitive load that direct eye contact can create.

Try it out yourself:

One particular Reddit user recommends using the “social triangle” for autism. This is where you keep your gaze centred around the eyes, tip of the nose, and mouth. This reduces the difficulty associated with regular eye contact while ensuring the person you’re speaking with feels heard.

While a few sites recommend looking at the forehead, some people may perceive this as distant or overly formal. If your gaze drifts upward, it can look like you’re staring past the person, which might unintentionally feel dismissive to them. The social triangle avoids this by keeping your focus within a smaller, more natural area of the face.

Stating Your Needs & Getting Help in the Workplace

Do you regularly struggle with eye contact at work? It’s best to let your manager know so that they can properly support you. For example, you might want to send them this blog so they have a better understanding of what’s going on for you. 

Once they’re aware of your situation, they may be able to help you by:

• Offering team training that incorporates autism awareness and social communication differences 
• Allowing more flexibility around communication styles across the team
• Bringing in adaptations that reduce external sensory stimuli, e.g. calmer lighting or noise-cancelling headphones

Difficulty making eye contact shouldn’t hold you back from doing your job. Under the Equality Act 2010, your employer has a responsibility to provide reasonable adjustments that help to level the playing field and give every employee the best chance of success.

FAQs

Is eye contact something that needs to be “improved”?

No, not unless someone wants to improve. Eye contact is a cultural and neurotypical communication norm, not a universal requirement. Some autistic people choose to work on it to put others at ease, but it’s equally valid to communicate in ways that feel natural and comfortable. 

Does avoiding eye contact mean someone isn’t engaged?

No. Most of the time, people with autism avoid eye contact out of discomfort or difficulty, not because of disengagement. They may be trying to actively listen or figuring out how to respond “naturally” – these things can be especially difficult when combined with consistent eye contact.

Is there a difference between eye contact avoidance from anxiety and eye contact avoidance from autism?

Yes. While social anxiety frequently co-occurs with autism, a neurotypical person’s experience of anxiety around eye contact is different to that of a person with autism. In autism, it’s usually about sensory overload or needing to reduce cognitive demand. In anxiety, it’s more often linked to fear of judgement or feeling socially exposed. The experiences come from different places.