Ignoring important emails. Putting off essential work. Rejecting great opportunities. Sound familiar? Self-sabotaging behaviours can fuel frustration, trapping you in a cycle of fear, shame, and more self-sabotage. The good news? You can break free. Here’s how to stop self-sabotage from undermining your confidence, growth, and success.
Self-sabotaging behaviour is when someone consciously or subconsciously behaves in ways that limit their success, happiness, or progression. This behaviour can involve unfavourable action (i.e. tidying their desk instead of logging onto a Zoom call) or total inaction (giving up on something important to them).
Self-sabotage can stem from many different causes. However, some of the most common include:
Early childhood experiences: Leading trauma experts like Bessel van der Kolk and Gabor Maté argue that self-sabotaging behaviour often has its roots in early life trauma. They describe these behaviours as learnt self‑defence strategies – ways of coping with emotional pain or threat – that can persist into adulthood. For example, someone who was told they were ‘not good enough’ or faced repeated rejection might carry those patterns into adulthood, unconsciously undermining their own success. This connects to what sociologist Robert K. Merton called a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’. This is where you believe the labels assigned to you and act in ways that make them true.
Low self-esteem: Whether due to early childhood experiences, difficult relationships, mental health issues, or other factors, low self-esteem can cause us to have a negative self-image. This, again, feeds into the idea of the ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ since we may unconsciously seek out situations that confirm our negative beliefs about ourselves.
Fear: Fear often plays a huge part in self-sabotaging behaviour. A person who self-sabotages may be fearful of success, fearful of getting things wrong, fearful of being judged – even fearful of change. These fears perpetuate the cycle of self-sabotaging behaviour, leading people to stay where they feel safe and in control, even if this means sacrificing their dreams, settling for less than they deserve, or watching opportunities pass them by.
When employees self-sabotage in the workplace, it can reduce their job satisfaction, impede success, and negatively affect the relationships they have with other staff and their employer.
Someone self-sabotaging at work might:
Procrastinate on important projects: They might habitually leave crucial tasks until the last minute, miss deadlines, or produce rushed, subpar work that doesn’t reflect their true capabilities.
Avoid networking or visibility opportunities: They might reject invitations to present their work, skip industry helpful events, avoid one-to-one meetings with senior management, or downplay their achievements in team meetings, effectively keeping themselves invisible for promotions.
Create interpersonal conflicts: You might notice them becoming defensive when receiving constructive criticism, gossiping about colleagues, being overly critical of others’ ideas, or picking unnecessary fights with team members, isolating themselves and damaging their professional reputation.
All of these behaviours are typical of someone who is prone to self-sabotaging. Although to an outsider, it may seem confusing that someone would intentionally limit their own success or actively damage their reputation, these patterns can operate below conscious awareness, driven by deep-seated fears and beliefs about what they deserve or are capable of achieving.
As we’ve illustrated in previous examples, procrastination is one way in which self-sabotaging behaviour can manifest. The simple act of putting off an important task or doing something time-consuming despite a pressing deadline can be a projection of fear. Rather than taking the necessary steps to succeed at something, the self-saboteur delays action until failure becomes inevitable, or they succeed and have to face change.
It’s important to note that if you’re someone who procrastinates, it doesn’t automatically mean you’re self-sabotaging. People can procrastinate due to a lack of mental stimulation, challenges with anxiety, feelings of overwhelm, or even too many digital distractions. If your procrastination is linked to self-sabotage, you are consciously or subconsciously avoiding the emotional discomfort or change that might come with completing something.
Perfectionism and self-sabotage might seem like opposites, but they’re often closely linked. While perfectionism appears to drive high standards, it can actually become a sophisticated form of self-sabotage that keeps you stuck rather than moving forward.
Perfectionist self-saboteurs often set impossibly high standards that make it easier to procrastinate or never start. They might get trapped in endless revision cycles that avoid the vulnerability of putting work out for judgement or focus obsessively on minor details while avoiding bigger challenges.
Ultimately, perfectionism can disguise itself as ambition, but when it keeps you from moving forward, it’s simply another way of holding yourself back.
Recognise patterns of self-sabotage in your work life? The good news is that these behaviours can be changed. Here are some practical steps to break the cycle:
The first step is recognising when self-sabotage is happening. Keep a brief diary of those moments when you find yourself avoiding tasks, procrastinating, or creating unnecessary obstacles. Look for patterns: do you self-sabotage more before big presentations, when working with certain colleagues, or when deadlines approach? The more that you’re aware of your self-sabotaging behaviour and when it’s happening, the greater your chances of reducing it.
Notice the internal dialogue that accompanies self-sabotaging behaviour. Are you telling yourself you’re ‘not ready’, ‘not good enough’, or that you’ll ‘probably mess it up anyway’? When you catch these thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Is this actually true, or is this fear talking?’
Rather than trying to change all your habits at once, choose one small behaviour to change. If you normally avoid networking events, commit to attending just one this quarter. If you procrastinate instead of doing emails, set a timer for 15 minutes and tackle your inbox. Small wins will help you to build confidence and momentum.
Consider speaking to a therapist, counsellor, or coach who can help you explore the underlying causes of your self-sabotage. Sometimes having an objective perspective can help you to see patterns you might miss on your own.
Remember that self-sabotage often develops as a protective mechanism. Rather than judging yourself harshly, try to understand what your self-sabotaging behaviour might be trying to protect you from. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d show a good friend facing similar challenges.
Share your goals with a trusted colleague or mentor who can check in on your progress. Sometimes knowing that someone else is aware of your commitments can help you follow through, even when fear or doubt creeps in.
Sometimes success can trigger deep-seated fears and beliefs about what people think they deserve. When life improves for someone, it may feel unfamiliar or threatening to their sense of identity. Their brain might interpret success as dangerous territory where they’re more visible, have more to lose, or risk disappointing others. Some people unconsciously sabotage good situations to return to familiar patterns of struggle, even when those patterns are painful.
Yes, sometimes. Some people engage in knowing self-sabotage as a way to cope with anxiety, fear, or feelings of overwhelm. They might procrastinate on something important because the anxiety of trying and potentially failing feels worse than the certainty of not trying at all. Even when it’s conscious, the underlying reasons often aren’t fully understood without deeper reflection.
Someone self-sabotaging outside of the workplace might push people away, create conflict, neglect self-care, or make poor spending decisions. They might also actively avoid opportunities for growth, isolate themselves socially, or make choices that undermine their personal well-being and happiness.
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